Grief Coaching Through and After Divorce with Lora Cheadle
Navigating a divorce is hard enough, the process becomes more overwhelming when dealing with grief and betrayal. The emotional weight of the loss, shattered trust, and anger can prevent you from thinking clearly and making sound decisions about your future. In this episode of the Amicable Divorce Network (ADN) podcast Lora Cheadle, a betrayal recovery coach with Lora Cheadle Life Choreography, shares how to distinguish betrayal from grief in relationships offering actionable steps for healing and moving forward during a divorce. Alongside Tracy Ann Moore-Grant, the Amicable Divorce Network Podcast host and founder of the Amicable Divorce Network, Lora discusses the importance of not letting betrayal define your identity and why working through grief allows you to approach post-divorce decisions with clarity.
Lora’s personal experience with betrayal began when she discovered her husband was having a fifteen-year affair and understands what her clients are going through emotionally. She shares that it’s essential to understand the emotional stages of a divorce, meeting her clients where they are whether they are grieving, angry, or in a rage state. In these high-emotion moments, Lora helps guide her clients to move through the pain to help reshape the story and reclaim their narrative. She uses the right tool for the situation whether it be cognitive restructuring, breathwork, yoga, or helping find the right divorce professional to identify their next step towards the future.
“Grief is a normal emotion when going through a divorce. You grieve the loss of the relationship and other life changes. Even though we don’t want to feel grief, the best way through grief is to feel it, cry, and seek support from professionals or trusted friends. Betrayal, however, often traps us in a cycle of retelling the same story over and over again and identifying as a victim. We can be victimized, but we don’t have to own the identity of a victim—that’s what makes grief different than betrayal.”
-Lora Cheadle, Betrayal Recovery Coach, Lawyer
Both Lora and Tracy discuss that many people go through the psychological stages of divorce at different speeds, some moving fast or lingering in certain stages for a longer period. While it’s easy to get stuck in grief and rage, it inevitably hinders your ability to make decisions and move your case forward. Lora provides the tools to her clients for them to recognize when they are stuck and gives them practical ways to reclaim their brains so that they can process their emotions to then move through the legal process.
“All humans, when triggered, naturally enter a state of fight, flight or freeze. This is a hardwired response in the brain and not a sign of emotional weakness. Our thoughts leave the prefrontal cortex and go back into the amygdala and we quite literally cannot think. We freeze and that’s where we get stuck and cannot make decisions. It’s important to recognize when you’re in that state and understand that you need to reclaim your brain. I give people the tools and resources to help recognize when they are in that state and show them how to get out of it so they can start making decisions and moving forward.”
-Lora Cheadle
As a former attorney who pivoted from family law into the coaching space, Lora’s emotional support also helps clients understand the legal perspective to move through the moments of frustration with clarity. Lora and Tracy agree that the legal system is not a place for divorcing couples to get any type of emotional vindication or healing, highlighting that pursuing an amicable divorce is in their best emotional interest. They also stress the importance of hiring the right professional for the job, explaining that lawyers are not therapists or financial advisors. Lora’s ultimate strategy is to help clients refocus on their long-term goals and understand the difference between a legal problem and an emotional challenge. Her number one tip is for people to slow down and recognize that they have time to get the emotional help they need, allowing the grief to move through them before making big decisions about their family.
“You hold all the cards. Believe it or not, betrayal is a huge initiation into this next chapter of your life. That can be absolutely amazing if you slow down and recognize what is happening. Recognize that you have time to decide. When you realize you don’t have to file right now, you can talk to people and take the time to get help. You can read books, listen to podcasts, slow down, let the grief move through you, and then make a decision.”
-Lora Cheadle
Lora Cheadle is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and legal consultant, specializing in coaching women affected by betrayal recovering from affairs, and workplace burnout. Lora is also a bestselling author of the book FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self a personal manifesto and manual that guides readers to accept themselves and reclaim their identity and self-worth, free from the betrayal of others. She has spoken at international events such as TEDx, hosts corporate workshops on avoiding burnout in the workplace, and is the host of the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity or Betrayal.
To listen to the full episode and learn more about how to deal with grief and betrayal while going through a divorce, click here.
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